So Ashamed

For the past week, I've been disappointed in myself and my attitude. Yet, I still kept feeling the way I was feeling. I tried hard to pinpoint why and also how to get over it, but it wasn't working. Then all my emotions came to a head on Thursday evening, and I realized what I was so upset about. And I finally got over it. Well, I got over myself. See? Shame!

You see, there's this lady at school. She has a lot of ideas. She has a lot of big ideas. She's always pitching them to PTO, yet she doesn't want to help in any way because she's too busy. Additionally, she criticizes and offers after-the-fact input on nearly every one of PTO's projects. But again, she simply talks. She never offers the suggestions beforehand or offers her support for the next time. To her, it's just so obvious that PTO should do this or should have done that, and she can't understand why it isn't done or why it wasn't done. She might as well follow up every comment with, "Duh. It's so easy, PTO."

After talking with the PTO president last year and getting nowhere on her fabulous fundraising idea, she went directly to the principal. He, naturally, told her to talk to PTO. So she did again but this time she said she'd do all the work. She offered to organize the entire event with the help of the school's Red Hats (the service club that consists of about twenty sixth graders). The event was a food truck festival in the school's parking lot. The school would get a cut of the trucks' proceeds and there would be a raffle, too. She had "tons of food truck connections" so she'd schedule the trucks, do the promotion, and even gather the donations for the raffle baskets. All PTO would need to do is buy water and sell it.

It all sounds great, right? It does. Except that I wanted to see her sweat (literally). I wanted her to understand that it's not easy. I wanted her to see that it takes a lot of hands and it's difficult to find those hands, that there are a lot of steps, a lot to think about, and that it takes a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. I also wanted it to be a big flop. And that's where the shame really comes in.

Anytime I organized an event, I was there all day long setting things up. Yet when I was leaving school at 3:10 on Thursday after having spent an entire day with first graders, she was just walking in to start setting up for the 5:00-8:00 event. Adding to my annoyance is that I looked harried and frazzled, yet she looked so fancy in her leggings, long sweater, boots, perfectly coiffed hair, and full make-up. An hour later, I showed up with my daughter (a Red Hat) and two coolers full of water and ice. The organizer was greeting food trucks while the Red Hats were dragging out tables, the DJ was setting up his sound system, and two other PTO ladies were organizing the water station. She still looked perfect because she hadn't lifted a finger. And I was so angry about it. I dropped off the stuff, left Elizabeth to work, and went home.

Matthew and I arrived shortly after five o'clock. There were four trucks and a lot of people. Darn it. People came. I should have added, Including you, Sara. So Matthew and I ordered our food, sat down, and calmly ate together and with our friends. Then he played on the playground, and I still got to sit there with my friends. Brian arrived, and he and Elizabeth had their dinner at our table. It was looking like it would be a profitable school event and, for the first time in six years, our whole family was able to enjoy it together.

Why? Because the Red Hats were working hard selling raffle tickets, some other PTO ladies were selling the water, and the food trucks were doing their own thing to feed the masses. More and more people came. More and more food and raffle tickets were sold. More and more money was made for the school. The lady had done it!

And there it was. She had succeeded where I could not. She promoted and delegated. She didn't lose her head--at least as far as I know--and she had no problem bossing people around and getting them to work for her. I had a no one-needs-you-anymore-Sara feeling and almost got swept away in that boo-hoo moment. Sara? No one needs her. But luckily, that moment was short-lived. Why? Because the only reason I had done it before was because no one else would. So I am more than happy to pass the torch.

Take it away and run with it. Please! And while you do, I'll relax over here with my family and friends. Happily from now on.