Second Home

The two schools at which I sub the most are my kids' school and another elementary school about three miles away. These are, without a doubt, my favorite places to spend a day. When I see open assignments online at either school, I snatch them up right away. Unless it's kindergarten. Then I hem and haw and wait until the sub line calls me to see if it's meant to be.

At our school, I'm very familiar with the site so I have no problem finding my way. That's a plus. Another advantage is that teachers sometimes give me the lesson plans ahead of time so that I have as few surprises as possible before I go in. However, there are some disadvantages to subbing at our school.

For one, I don't feel as confident there. That probably sounds strange; out of all the places I go, shouldn't I be most confident at the school my kids have attended for the past seven years? Maybe, but there are genuine reasons why I'm sometimes more nervous walking in there as a substitute than another school that I've never set foot in before. Here, the teachers know me, I know them, and I'm afraid of letting them down. I want to show I am able to keep order in their class and get their students to be as productive as they can be. Outside the classroom, I feel like a spotlight is on our line to lunch or specials. The line-walking part is stressful and difficult everywhere, but I'm particularly self-conscious here about whether the line is straight and if the kids are walking calmly and quietly, because if it's not, well then everyone might think Sara (not just that random lady subbing for ____) is a terrible sub. Another challenge at our school is that I don't feel as respected by the students. They've seen me around a lot, and it's true that I haven't looked very scary; I look like a friendly mom to them more than a strict substitute teacher. Or maybe they're picking up on a she's-scared-too vibe I might be putting off. Who knows? What I do know is that at no other school do everyday teachers scold kids in my line or come into my classroom to tell them to be quiet and listen to me. And both of those situations have occurred at our school. When the teacher next door came into my classroom and shouted at the students, "She counted down! Why are you not sitting quietly yet?," I seriously wanted to kick off my heels and run home. Maybe the teachers are trying to help me out because they know me and they like me. Do they try to help all substitutes in those ways? I wonder. But when those kinds of things happen, it doesn't feel like help. It feels like failure. And I'm not failing at this. I'm finding I'm pretty good at it, and I want people to see that. It's frustrating to think that people I've known for a long time might believe that I can't do this on my own. Then again, they've been doing this for years and years and I've been doing this for six weeks, so I should gratefully accept every bit of assistance they offer for what it probably is--compassion.

So why do I keep going back to our school? Because, most importantly, it's convenient with our family's schedule. Also, I want to have as many chances as I can to prove myself. I figure the more I do it, the more comfortable I will get, and the students will get used to seeing me more as a teacher than as Elizabeth's and Matthew's mom.

Now the other school I like to go to is starting to feel like a second home to me. I'm meeting quite a few people over there, and they are all very friendly and kind. I've found that the staff members at some schools treat subs as second-class citizens, while other schools' staff go out of their way to make subs feel welcome. Which kind of school would you rather go to? It's a no-brainer. Teachers and staff there call me by my first name, invite me to join them at lunch, request me, and recommend me to other teachers. Even staff members I don't know ask me how my day is going while I'm walking through the halls. I feel appreciated by the teachers and respected by the students at that school. I'm more comfortable there than anywhere. I'm glad I found that place. Second home? Maybe I should call it my first home.