Year of Cheer

Oh what a difference a year makes.

Today was the last day of school before the kids' nearly three-week Christmas break.  It was a fun, happy, and productive day for me, which means it was the polar opposite of this same day a year ago in which I was reduced to tears from a hug at our school's annual jingle jog.  I was suffering from the emotional instability I assume was due to exhaustion, stress, and probably a teensy bit of depression (though I refuse to label it as such without a clinical evaluation or diagnosis).

If it was only one thing though, it was exhaustion.  I had been running far too much at the time and, frankly, was pretty damn tired of it.  I had more volunteer responsibilities at the school then, too, but that week I had also been asked to do a project for a teacher whom my children didn't have.  She asked me to do it because the project was a surprise holiday gift for her students' parents.  I could understand that.  Sure.  I will spare you the details, but a task I had estimated would take me twenty minutes based on her proposal turned into three long mornings in the copy room the week before Christmas.  Then there was the aforementioned jingle jog....  It's not hard work mixing Gatorade and filling up cups, but I was there the entire day with hardly any other parent volunteers.  It's not like I got to run with my kids or visit with my friends in exchange for being there.  No.  I spent the day with a substitute teacher I had never met before in my life, and he wasn't fun.  At all.  The kicker?  My daughter was home with a fever.  Brian worked from home so I could honor my commitment at school that day.  It's important to note that I blame no one but myself for each of these situations.

I love our kids' school and our teachers, and I wouldn't volunteer if I didn't enjoy helping.  But during that overwhelmingly busy period of time I should have been more assertive and had the confidence to say no.  It wouldn't have been selfish; it would have been reasonable.  I do like to please, and I don't like to let anyone down or disappoint, but sometimes you should think about yourself, too.  I'm no martyr; there are many people who volunteer far more than I do and never complain about it.  Those people are admirable, and I wish I was like them.  I also understand that the very definition of a volunteer is a person who does something good with no expectation of receiving anything in return, but that afternoon at the jingle jog, as I reflected on my previous night's work of packaging teachers' holiday gifts and thoughtfully writing out cards of appreciation, I started to feel like the world's biggest sucker.  I felt taken advantage of and unappreciated.  Then one teacher thanked me for my gift with a hug, walked away, and I lost it.  Thankfully my soul sister happened to be right there, and if anyone completely understands all of this, it's Aimee.  She hugged me right back as my chest heaved with sobs and tears fogged up my sunglasses.

Geez.  Am I bringing you down yet?  Are you thinking, "I thought this was the Year of Cheer, Sara?"

It is.

A year later, the day was completely different.  It started out with a quick run, then I put together a little birthday surprise for Aimee at her desk in the office.  I got the kids to school, mixed the jingle jog Gatorade, and set up the station.  I got to talk and laugh with some non-substitute teachers, run a lap with Elizabeth, and then some of my besties and I handed out drinks and candy canes.  We had fun!  Matthew's group was next, and I got to run a lap with him, too.  After the third and final session of the morning was completed, we cleaned up and made sure everything was ready for the last session in the afternoon.  Candi and I went out for a delightful lunch, I filled some spirit wear orders, and then...I went home.

I immediately threw on the She & Him Christmas album and managed to wrap all our gifts for the kids, GiGi, and my gifts for Brian.  There are still a few expected in the mail, but I was able to complete the bulk of our wrapping, so for the first time ever this task will not be hanging over my head on Christmas Eve.  It was a productive afternoon.

This was the best last-day-of-school-before-Christmas I've had since I was in grade school.  I volunteered for half the day and then lunched and accomplished something at home.  I was kind to others and kind to myself.  That's good balance right there.  I may no longer be a student, but I'm still learning.