Want to ride the emotional roller coaster with me? Here we go. Weeeeee!
My "baby" graduated from kindergarten this morning. It's a big deal according to society. I'm not all that sure why. I mean really. It's not like this was his first year of school ever (there was preschool) and, unless there are major changes around here, he'll be at that same school for six more years. This is hardly a graduation. I've been through the ceremony before with Elizabeth. The kids sing, I tear up, we go home, it's summertime, we go back for first grade. I've been reasoning all those things with myself since teachers started sending home Kindergarten Star Day invitations.
That's probably why the kids started to sing and I didn't cry. I watched Matthew sing and kind of-sort of dance and I smiled. I was happy. He was having fun, and I was enjoying it. Then the teachers pulled out the big guns with "Big, Big Dreams," "This Little Light of Mine," and "Wave Good-bye." (I have no idea who any of those kids are in those links, but I'm crying as I watch them sing.) At the ceremony though, tears just streamed down my face and I was able to manage with my three tissues.
Fast forward to the refreshments in Matthew's classroom. I'm sure my nose and eyes were red, and if I wanted to look at other moms I probably would have seen that their faces were red, too. But then. THEN! Matthew's teacher announced she had a gift for all of us--a CD. Oh, here it is with the report cards. Awww. I bet it's a photo montage to a sweet song and it will make me cry. Wait. What's she doing? Pulling down the screen? Asking a dad to dim the lights? Noooooooo! Not here! Not now!
At the very first note, I'm gone. GONE! I recognize the song immediately because, as the Universe would have it, this CD has been playing in my car stereo for a month at least. She chose the title track from Tom Petty's "Wildflowers" album. What now? That album is nearly 20 years old! Chances are no one else in that room remembers that song or even knew it in the first place, but Matthew said, "It's like in our car!" Photos of him and his classmates float on and off the screen, guitars play, Tom sings, and Sara's crying like a baby. The next song was Van Morrison's "These Are the Days." Well. You know how that went. It's happening all over again as I play it on YouTube. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. You know how you laugh at an inappropriate moment and you know you need to stop but you just can't? That happens to me with crying. I thoroughly embarrassed myself; I'm sure everyone who saw me rolled their eyes. It's fine. I'll only see these people on a regular basis for...the next six years!
I came home, put down my purse, grabbed a tissue and cried one of the ugliest cries I've ever cried. And I haven't really stopped crying since. There's a lot swirling around in my head. I'm going through some big things. My kids are getting older. Maybe that's what kindergarten graduation is all about--kids not being babies anymore. He's my younger child so this is it for us. No more babies. I'm okay with that because babies were hard, but I felt that finality today. On the other end, Elizabeth is going to be in fifth grade next year. That's only two more years of elementary school. Oh man. Wait till you see what happens during the sixth grade photo montage! She's growing up. He's growing up. Then there's the fact that I'm moving on from PTO, which has been a big part of me for four years. It's a lot to give up and I think today as I placed all the signboards and tablecloths that were hanging around my house back into the PTO closet at the school, I realized (again) that this was it. This isn't my closet anymore. I'm no longer part of that group. I knew that would be the case for a few weeks, but crossing that threshold for the last time wasn't very easy. Lastly, there are the people who bother me. They bother me because I let them and I need to not worry about them or what they think or what they say or what they do and just forget them.
So today I will cry and get it all out. When tomorrow comes, the only thing I need to focus on is having the best.summer.ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment