Arizona's First People

Matthew recently brought home an assignment to create an ancient people dwelling. The dwelling could be from the ancient Americans (Aztecs, Incas, or Mayans) or ancient Arizonans (Anasazi, Hohokom, or Mogollon). Parents dislike these kinds of projects just about as much as the students do, yet this project was labeled as a "Family Activity." What's that now? Nope!

I don't care that the projects will be displayed in the library, and I don't care that moms enjoy outdoing each other by going to Michael's and buying all kinds of supplies to make their kid's project an exact replica of someone else's that they found on Pinterest. I'm certain that's not the point, so I firmly believe the teachers should discontinue labeling these projects as family activities because that only encourages some parents to take over while the student learns nothing.

Well not my kid, and you can judge my fourth grader's project all you want. Just understand that it was completed by a fourth grade boy and not a forty year old woman, and that's why it looks like this:

You know what he got? An A. And he learned. Though I did not help him create this "Anasazi" dwelling, I did help him use the Internet to answer the required questions for his accompanying paragraph. His paragraph is below, and the most important fact we both learned is that we should not call these people Anasazi. So let's quit that.

Emotional First Aid

Last night I dragged my friend Aimee to the first lecture in a speakers series hosted by the Ben's Bells Project. As a TED Talk addict, I'd heard Guy Winch's presentation before and was really impressed by his insight into how humans are often so good about taking care of our bodies yet not very well trained in taking care of our minds. Five year olds can brush their teeth and put Band Aids on their cuts, however parents don't always do a good job of teaching them how to appropriately deal with rejection and failures and all the emotions that come with those societal inevitabilities.

It's really enlightening when you stop to consider how you react when your child is sad and disappointed because he or she isn't invited to a party or is in some way made to feel excluded from a group. We tell them, "Oh who cares what they think? You don't need them. They're not nice people anyway." But that doesn't make the child any less sad. Emotions and feelings are something you have to move through, sit with, process, and understand. Guy Winch's solution to that parenting problem is acknowledging the sadness and then inviting another friend over as soon as possible. The sooner the child realizes that they do have peers who like to spend time in their company and value their friendship, the better the child will be able to move through those feelings of rejection and, emotionally, feel better.

The talk last night wasn't all about helping your child, though. He gave some good lessons on protecting our own self-esteem, reducing our self-criticisms, and shared ideas on how to better connect with others even when we feel like or are an emotional mess. Incidentally, there's nothing wrong with showing emotion. Crying when you're sad doesn't make you a weak person. If you keep crying without rebounding, then maybe you do need to work on strengthening your resolve; but I realized that even though I probably do cry more than the average person, it's okay because I move through it and then move on. Sometimes it might take awhile, but as long as we are taking steps towards moving on, we're moving in the right direction. An important point he made last night is that crying is not breaking down. "If your car breaks down, you can't go anywhere. If you cry then rebound and keep going, you're not 'breaking down.'"

It was really a thought-provoking lecture, and I'm grateful that I went. It's inspired me to read his book and explore these methods of healing whenever I do feel rejected, like a failure, invisible, or lonely. As he's proven, taking care of our minds really is as important as taking care of our bodies. These emotional exercises should be just as necessary to me as running, working out, and riding my bike.

Ups and Downs

Everything is awesome!

Until it's not.

Over the past few years or so, I've really become schooled in how life is nothing but a roller coaster of ups and downs. A bunch of phases. Times of worry and heartache and times of joy and happiness. The best example I can share is how the end of Elizabeth's sixth grade year was the bottom while the end of her seventh grade year was the top. I know it sounds pessimistic, but sometimes I feel like we're teetering at that peak and waiting for the coaster to fly back down the hill. But then I've also gotten better at keeping a sense of hope when something's thrown me down.

Rarely, though, does the emotional roller coaster ride all happen in one day. Like it did today.

I had the day off, and I was finally tackling a volunteer project for Elizabeth's school. I offered to help with their monthly teacher appreciation, so I found an idea on the Internet, took a thumb drive with a printable to Staples for copying, and picked up the treats at Costco. By lunchtime I'd put everything together, and after I ate I took the treats to the school and distributed them to the teachers' mailboxes. When I came home, I drafted a Sign Up Genius blurb so that other parents could sign up for the remaining months of the school year. Done. Ahhhhh. Such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Then I had thirty minutes before I had to pick up Matthew, so I went to his school to switch out the monthly Kind Campus posters. There was plenty of time for that, and when I was finished it would be the perfect end to a perfectly productive day off. Only as soon as I arrived at the school, I was intercepted for a rather unorganized meeting/discussion in which I found myself not only heading up another project but also being unreasonably criticized for much of the work I'd done so far.

I can still hear her words, "You gotta use the same green. I'm okay with one or two greens, but when you have three or four...no. That's too much." She made this horribly disgusted face as if I'd used fifty shades of green, and I'm sure my face gave it away that I couldn't believe she was acting the way she was acting and saying what she was saying. Okay, maybe her impeccable taste finds fault in my method, but is that any reason to be mean about it? Has she been so appalled by my color choices that she has completely missed the message about kindness? This whole thing is not about decorating the school. It's about being nice to one another. What in the world, lady? You just made me feel like shit, and I don't think you even care. Kind Campus is lost on you.

I'm trying not to let her unkind comments get to me. If I had to guess, no one else is worried about the colors. In fact, I've received a lot of positive feedback on the program from several teachers who are really excited about the activities and even adding their own. I'm choosing to focus on those comments instead. And though I'm not excited to now be partnered with this same lady to create an informative bulletin board in the school office, I'm planning to use the experience as, quite possibly, the ultimate kindness training. She'll probably make some digs, but I can remain calm, be polite, and maybe even teach her a thing or two about being kind.

A Hard Day's Night

Over the weekend, the kids and I watched the Beatles in "A Hard Day's Night." My dad had told me it was going to be on TCM a few weeks ago, but we just now got around to watching it. I thought it was hilarious, but the kids weren't as impressed. It could have been because I told them it would be like the Monkees so they were expecting more silliness; instead they got Ringo and George's quick wit regarding inferiority complexes. Brilliant! Unfortunately, I was also reminded of that horrible flick the by that horrible band who tried recreating this magic just a few years ago. No. Just no. I'm so glad that band went in another direction, never to be heard from again (said with a long a).

To the Mountains

When Phoenicians go to the mountains, we usually head north towards Payson or Flagstaff or Sedona. However, when Matthew's cub scout pack hosted a family campout in the other direction, we thought we'd try it out. There are certainly lots of beautiful mountains outside of Tucson, but we'd never really made it too far past there. We camped in the Whetstones when we went to Kartchner Caverns earlier this year, but we'd never been to Sierra Vista and the Huachuca Mountains. What a treasure!

It took us about three hours and twenty minutes to get to the Reef Townsite Campground, but the last forty-five minutes were intense. We heard the road up the mountain was winding and that trailers were not recommended so we didn't bring the Airstream. What we didn't know was that it was basically a five-mile unpaved, narrow, one-lane, bumpy driveway with intense switchbacks. When we started up Carr Canyon Road, a sign warned it was not recommended for passenger cars, trailers over twelve feet (seems optimistic), or vehicles over twenty feet. Let's just say, this road is for Jeeps.

But we took the Sequoia up it anyway. It did okay, but maybe that's because the four of us were all leaning forward as if we were propelling the truck onward and upward. Some families made it in their minivans, but I can't imagine it was much fun. One guy's Honda Pilot was overheating, so they had to turn off their air conditioner to make it the rest of the way. There were big rocks everywhere, and we were shaking and bouncing the whole way up. Actually the farther we went, the worse it got. Plus there were no guardrails, some cars were coming back down so we had to move over to the cliff side, and the sun was setting. It was anxiety-inducing to say the least. Here are a few photos. With the exception of the one with the spectacular view, they are blurry from so much movement going on in our truck.

Once we made it and said, "What the hell?" to the guy in charge of scheduling this camp (which he seemed to hear a lot of), we set up our tent and gear in the dark and calmed ourselves down. Many more came after us. We were only about the fourth family out of maybe ten or so. One family didn't arrive until just before midnight. 

We were in the group site, so there were tents all around and plenty of boys playing. They had a good time with each other. It was a nice site, just really hard to get to.

After breakfast on Saturday morning, the leaders brought out a crosscut saw so the kids could pretend to be lumberjacks.

Even Elizabeth and I gave it a whirl. I thought we did better than most of the others, by the way.

Next we went on a group hike. We started out on the only hiking trail there, but the leader thought we were on the wrong trail so we turned around and went another way.

We got to a nice vista point.

I was pretty certain those two trails connected so while everyone else went back to camp, Elizabeth and I headed out again. They did connect, and we were the only ones who got to see the whole trail. Girls win again.

After eating a quick, early lunch at camp, we made the trip back down the mountain and another twenty miles to tour the Queen Mine, an old copper mine in quirky Bisbee.

They give you hard hats, safety vests, and a giant light with a battery pack that hangs off a thick leather belt.

We're all ready here!

You ride a train about fifteen hundred feet into the mine.

Benny was our tour guide. He is an old miner and quite the character.

We rode back up the mountain surrounded by threatening skies, but there were just a few sprinkles once we got back to camp. The air sure cooled down, though. The leader then tried showing the boys how to start a fire without a flicker. Then he finally used the flicker.

Dinner was a "pasta dump." Everyone brought a box of pasta and a jar of sauce. They mixed it all together, and we ate. It worked out pretty well.

The rest of the evening we sat around the fire, toasted marshmallows, and then went to bed early. Because that's what you do when you camp. :)

I didn't know what to expect this weekend, but it turned out to be a good experience. We got to spend time out of the heat, drive a rough road four times, see a new part of Arizona that's really pretty, and rough it without the trailer (or flush toilets or sinks or water spigots).

Mr. Potter

It's been almost twenty years since the first Harry Potter book was released. I was thinking about it today and realized I was in college when the frenzy began, yet this is my daughter's favorite series. She and her friends are super fans and were very excited when they learned a new play/book was coming out this summer. Another reason for their hysteria (and the hysteria of many others around these parts) is the recent opening of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios Hollywood. It opened in April, and suddenly everyone is wanting to experience the wonder of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade.

Now, I'm not one for fantasy books. I like realistic fiction. Actually, I prefer nonfiction and biographies, but if I'm going to relax and read, I feel like I'm doing nothing but wasting time when reading about things that can never, ever happen. So that's why it's surprising that I promised Elizabeth I'd read the entire Harry Potter series this summer.

Yes, I'm fully aware our summer ended two weeks ago, but if we get technical about it I have until September 21st, right? Fine then. I'm nearly finished with Book 5, so I'm probably on track. Though they are lengthy books, they read quickly. As long as I don't fall asleep as I try to read. I do that sometimes, though it's not the material's fault in this case.

Even to someone who doesn't fancy fantasy, these stories are pretty darn good. I'm glad Elizabeth challenged me to take this on. She's constantly asking me what part I'm on, and we've had fun discussing the stories. Now I'm wanting to visit Hollywood to see this wizarding world and read the new script. I'm hooked.

It's Official!

Our school is now a Kind Campus!

Jeannette Mare, founder of the Ben's Bells Project, presented information about the program to our students and staff at this morning's assembly. The basic premise is that kindness is a skill that can be taught and something we can all improve upon. She went over some very elementary brain science so the kids can understand that we have to be in charge of our own minds and behaviors. Instead of allowing our reptilian brain (the amygdala or fear center), we must engage our thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex) to remain calm and focused rather than reacting negatively. I hope most of them understood the concept.

Teachers are genuinely excited about this! Many have approached me with more ideas for us to do, some have been inspired to do more than the program requires, and two even added Kindness Corners to their rooms all within the last week since they first heard about our plans. It's very encouraging, and I think we're well on our way to improving our kindness skills!

Here are just a few photos from today's assembly and also some reminders we've placed around the school.

me, Jeannette, and Steph our school counselor